Not as bad as VAN HELSING. Five minutes shorter. And the music was nowhere near as loud or bad.
Not as bad as VAN HELSING, and therefore, less memorable. Less instructive.
Never at any moment a more terrible experience than VAN HELSING. Never any out-of-body overwhelming paroxysms of disbelief that any movie can be so bad.
Never actually entertaining or persuasive. Only for a few minutes, just at the beginning, when the creeping assurance that Very Stupid Things Were Happening was only a low background rumble, did I see something that I thought might be fun or interesting. A guy is hit by a car in a New Way. And then the movie returned to a uniform flow of complete lack of interest.
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